Within the framework of executive coaching, I often discuss work priorities with my clients. Here is an article on this subject:
The roots of depletion
Because Johanna’s international travels are relentless, she and I often conduct our coaching sessions via her company’s high-definition video conferencing. Recently, I watched as she dropped into frame with a grunt and smiled at me wanly. Her look prompted me to ask, with sincere concern, “How’re you doing?”
Her shoulders fell. Her eyes welled up. Her chin sunk to her chest. Then her hands covered her face. She was quiet a long time, then whispered, “Oh, Tom, I’m so tired.”
Johanna is not fragile. She loves working at the senior level of one of the world’s largest technology companies. But this day, she was worn out and beaten down.
She told me how, during a meeting in India with a dozen department heads, she was unable to come up with a solution to a simple problem. “My mind was like a mush ball, Tom. I just couldn’t pull my thoughts together.”
I asked what was contributing to her depletion. She recited a litany I’d heard before: unending organizational changes and strategic realignments; the departure of her boss who’d been a close friend; the rigors of her international schedule; the demands of her division president to be connected 24/7, even on vacation.
When she finished, I asked, “And what about you, Johanna? How are you contributing to your exhaustion?”
She stared at me as if I’d spoken gibberish. Then she began to turn her thoughts inwards. After a pause, she said, “I’m a perfectionist.” I said nothing. After another pause she said, “I can’t say ‘no’.”
I still said nothing.
Then she said, “I haven’t taken care of myself at all.”
Savoring silence
Johanna’s case is extreme but not unfamiliar.
Twenty years ago when I first began coaching, one moment often repeated itself with many of my clients. After I’d taken my seat at their meeting table, they would close their door, then stop, savoring the silence. Often they’d exhale deeply, relaxing and preparing themselves for a conversation radically different from the rest of their day.
These days, I rarely see that moment of savoring. This is not because my current clients are less engaged or less introspective. Not at all.
Nowadays, the outside pressure that mounts while they’re in the coaching conversation is heavier than it used to be; they incur a real cost by carving out time for coaching. So clients these days often attack their conversations with me using the same energetic commitment they devote to all their other tasks.
The coaching is no less powerful than it was. But often it takes longer for executives to loosen their layers of analytical, logical and objective thinking in order to access their more thoughtful, intuitive and subjective selves.
I believe companies are less rich when their leaders feel compelled to stay in “doing” mode at the expense of exercising their “being” mode.
Before I go further with my ideas about this, I’d like to pose a riddle to you. Ready?
Two girls, Marjorie and Margaret, were born at the same time, on the same day, in the same month, of the same year, to the same mother and father. Yet they are not twins. How is this possible? Can you figure this out?
Two conditions for insight
Jonah Lehrer, in his new book, “Imagine: How Creativity Works,” says that moments of insight most often occur when two conditions are present. First, the person seeking “an answer” stops pursuing the answer, and second, the person is relaxed.
As an example he cites one particular practice at 3M, consistently one of the most innovative companies on the planet.
Their designers have one hour a day to work on anything they’d like, the only stipulation being that they must share their results with their colleagues.
Over and over, when 3M’s people turn their attention away from their work projects and focus on whatever strikes their fancy—whether it’s a hobby or taking a nap!—answers to problems bubble up effortlessly and unbidden.
A simpler example, Lehrer says, is the wealth of ideas that come to us while we’re in the shower. Our minds are untethered and relaxed. And answers present themselves.
Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it? But if you saw one of your direct reports taking a nap in the sun, would your first thought be, “Good choice! I bet some real value will come from that”?
I told Johanna I wasn’t surprised that she was unable to find a simple solution to the situation in India: she hadn’t been able to disconnect and relax for a long time, so her batteries were drained.
Johanna and I discussed many ways she could begin to replenish herself. She ended up adopting four of the ideas we discussed. Here they are:
1 Resist firefighting
Constant connectivity pulls all of us in many different directions these days. Dozens of opportunities for distraction pop up in front of us every hour. Resisting all those bright, shiny objects requires clear vision and strong purpose.
One strategy Johanna used to help her define clear vision and strong purpose was to begin every day with planning—even before she checked her email!
She became rigorous about tying small actions to larger goals. If an activity didn’t tie in, she moved it down the list to wait for later.
Another strategy was to create an email folder she called “Tier Two” for non-urgent messages. She found she could put over half her inbox in that folder.
2 Engage without worry
“The Hurt Locker” won six Academy Awards in 2008, including Best Picture, for its gritty depiction of a bomb squad defusing explosive devices on the streets of Baghdad. The movie’s tension is built-in: what could be more tense than watching professionals try to achieve extreme calm while doing work that has life-or-death consequences? We understand that the bomb technicians can only survive if they learn to shut out the implications of their actions and single-mindedly focus on the task in the immediate present.
That’s not so different from what is required from executives in this era of overwork and too few resources.
There’s always more work than can be completed. Worrying about tasks piling up behind you doesn’t help you chip away at the task at hand. As with the bomb technicians, thinking about anything other than what you’re doing reduces your effectiveness in the moment.
Focus on the task in front of you without worry. The future will arrive soon enough!
3 Good enough is good enough
Johanna’s high standards are a core part of her self-image. She believes they’re a major factor in her success. Anything less than excellence is painful to her.
She began to ease up on herself and accept that there was a new norm in the world. For example, she began to accept that having more work than she could finish was not a character flaw. She began to accept that not everything had to be finely polished—sometimes good enough really was good enough. She began setting priorities more quickly and delegating more often, which allowed her to move faster through her work.
Sometimes good enough really is good enough.
4 Trust “down time” to be productive
Johanna used to love reading poetry and fiction. But with work piling up like flights waiting to land in bad weather, she felt too guilty to give herself the gift of reading for pleasure.
After we discussed the concepts in “Imagine, How Creativity Works,” she let go of that guilt and bought “What the Living Do” by Marie Howe, a favorite poet. To her surprise, while reading one of the first poems in the slim volume, she got an idea for an activity at an upcoming off-site. She was so amazed that her very next action was to call me to crow about it. She felt unleashed.
She began to encourage her direct reports to schedule personal time for themselves. And she began to follow her own orders.
On a related topic, do you know why I asked you that riddle about Marjorie and Margaret?
Because, if you didn’t know the answer, and if you wanted to try to figure it out, you had to stop reading and activate a completely different part of your brain. If you pondered the riddle for more than a few seconds, you probably felt the shift. (Or perhaps you felt too pressured to allow the shift to happen, so you just kept reading without getting engaged in the riddle. I certainly do that sometimes.)
Being conscious of when those mental shifts happen is a wonderful awareness.
If you’re stuck in “doing” mode and not experiencing shifts into “being” mode, or if, like last month’s The Distracted Executive, you are in constant delivery mode and not enough in receiving mode, you may benefit by consciously creating more daily mental shifts. All too often my clients tell me they don’t feel the shift into relaxation mode until the fourth day of a seven-day vacation!
And, if you have not seen that riddle before, the answer is: “Because they’re two of three triplets.”
Can you take an elevator ride without checking your phone? Can you concentrate on one task for a sustained period? Can you play and enjoy yourself, guilt-free? If so, you’ve collapsed many of the hurdles that our current world places between us and The Look & Sound of Leadership™.
Source: Essentialcomm.com, May 2012
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